The Winner of the July Thneed Trophy Is . . .
I think that I will never see
A poem as ugly
As a gas-powered jet ski.
The winner of the July 2018 Thneed Trophy is the Burrasca personal watercraft (aka “jet ski”).
Called by its advocates “a monster on the water”[1] but a “monster to the water” by its critics, the Burrasca is supposedly the fastest jet ski on the market today…and the most obnoxious hunk of metal to anyone or creature nearby. It goes about 80 mph, probably on less than six miles per gallon.[2] But, unless you’re an aquatic emergency worker or James Bond, what’s the point? One Burrasca lover’s response: “It looks like a heck of a fun way to burn petrol.”[3]
So, congratulations to the Belassi company for producing a product that’s loud, toxic and wasteful, all to provide a momentary adrenaline rush for the few who can afford it.
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The Thneed Trophy is awarded monthly by Environmental Action to a product that exemplifies the spirit of The Lorax’s “thneed”. It’s the thing that everyone wants but nobody needs, for which all of the Truffula Trees were cut down. In other words, bad for the environment, with little or no redeeming social value.
- Mia Faller, “Top 10 Most Luxurious Jet Skis”, TheRichest.com, March 31, 2016
- The company isn’t publicizing the Burrasca’s gas mileage. I reckon they think that, if you want to know how bad it is for the environment, you’re not going to buy it anyway.
- Loz Blain, “Belassi BR3 Sport: The World’s most powerful PWC”, NewAtlas.com, Oct. 21, 2014 Note: Since this article was written, the company has changed the name of the model from “Belassi” to “Burrasca”. As its website explains, “Burrasca… is the Italian name for Storm – the expression of an indomitable force of nature that conveys emotions and deep thoughts.” Yes, nothing evokes deep thoughts like a screaming jet ski.